Leave her alone!

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A previous trip

I like Friends Cafe on the Mayaguez square. They make nice drinks. But it happens every time. EVERY time. That creepy guy is always there. Creepy guys I can handle. Creepy guys who slide on over to touch my girl’s head even though she winces, shies away and sometimes cries when he does it, I can’t handle.

I don’t go to Friends Cafe very often. Maybe twice a month. And every time I tell myself I won’t let it happen. I’ll let my Mama Bear explode and my demur Midwestern Polite Girl take a hike.  Thoughts like, “he’s harmless…he’s just toughing her head…he doesn’t mean anything…” permeate my thoughts. But no. What does my daughter think? Maybe he really is harmless. But all she feels is scared, violated, insecure, and unsafe.  She’s two years old.

But I let it happen again! I even told the friends I was with, “There’s the guy who always comes over to touch P’s hair.” And then he appeared. He brought over napkins for the kids (nice enough). I should’ve read her body language right there as she cowered into her chair. But before I knew it his hand was on her head, which she was trying to hide, and she began to cry silently. Why the hell didn’t I say something? I’m too damn nice. He didn’t mean harm. I thought maybe this time he wouldn’t. I don’t know how to say “Get the hell away from my child can’t you see she hates you and your actions?” in Spanish. And I’m too damn nice.

No more. I let my daughter down, and I knew it. I picked her up, told her she doesn’t have to let ANY one touch her if she didn’t want to. I told her I was sorry, that she was safe now, and I’ll do better in the future.  Of course, all my blathering while trying to keep myself from crying made her reaction worse. She cried and cried because she could still see him sitting at a nearby table. As I started to gather our things the man came back, picked up her abandoned smoothie and tried to hand it to her. Maybe he felt bad? But jeez, take a hint and LEAVE US ALONE! I took it outta his hand and said “no toques” which means “don’t touch”. I think I’ll have to skip being subtle.  It’s clearly not working.  IMG_5295We hit the shoe store across the street where moods improved dramatically.  But if you’re at Friend’s Cafe sometime next week when we have more visitors coming, you might hear me being assertive with my new Spanish phrases:  Dejala quieta and Ella no le gusta su atencion. And if those don’t work, I’ll just use English. And I won’t be subtle.

I think this struck me so intensely because a) I didn’t take action even though I knew what would happen and b) I let shyness/language barriers get the best of me.  Lessons learned.

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Globetrotting families – Ida

Globetrotting Families – guest post

***the first post in a sporadic series of interviews of other families that have lived around this world of ours***

I met Ida in the Mom’s Club in Madison. A beautiful lady inside and out, not to mention she biked EVERYWHERE with her two kids. Moving out of the country was waaaay in the back of my mind when I met Ida. She intrigued me and I admired her. And before she left, I bought that bike trailer from her 🙂

-Laura

1) Tell us about your family and where you have lived?

We are a family of five: mom, dad and three boys (6 years, 3 years and 13 months). I and my husband met in Athens, Greece, 2006 when we had our exchange year. A dark boy from Germany and a blond girl from Finland – what a match! Anyhow, we never lived in Finland or Germany as a family but our home is based in Sweden. 2012-2013 we had another awesome exchange period when we visited Madison, Wisconsin.

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2) Why did you move to Madison and how did you break the news to your kids?

We always wanted (and still do!) to go somewhere else, so we kept our eyes open for opportunities. Patrick met some famous professors from Madison through his work at the university and got an invitation! The kids (the age of 3 years and couple of months back then) got to know that immediately. The town we come from is full of families that come from or go to different countries. Because of that and because we travel a lot, it wasn’t a big deal to our boys. Also, they were small and easy to drag along since we didn’t need to think about schools and stuff.

3) Did you know anyone in Madison before you moved? Did you have a support network? How did you build one?

Patrick knew only the professors before we moved to Madison. I didn’t know anybody! But already the first evening our oldest son found a German friend and we all became very good friends. They are now our youngest’s godparents! We were socially really active which was an effective way to build a network. We knew our neighbours, attended a mom group and a German playgroup. Furthermore, Patrick’s workmates were very helpful.

4) What was the hardest part about adjusting to a new place? Did anything surprise you?

The paper work before the trip! Before everybody told us that Americans aren’t real and that they only talk without meaning what they say. I couldn’t disagree more! Americans are open and they open their homes for strangers too. That was a very positive and pleasant surprise.

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5) What did your kids think of the experience?

Our kids learned English and they still remember it. Our middle son said his first words in English actually: thank you, bye bye and share. He doesn’t remember our time there though. The oldest one remembers a lot and can suddenly start speaking about friends we haven’t mentioned for a while. I think the experience have made them even more open and social – they aren’t scared when meeting new people or when put in new situations.

 

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Salsa dancing in the street

The Bull Pit that I first went salsa dancing has since closed, so I was on the scout for a new place to have my salsa fun.

Alvin told me about La Naza and we finally met up there earlier this winter.  The joint is miniscule, and the band and bar take up the entire building.  So the people spill out into the street (where there is a little bar set up outside).  You can peek in at the band through a couple of doors and a window.  They are fun! Strictly salsa music played here.

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The bar is situated in a neighborhood, and they have a special deal with the neighbors that they will play loud music only on Tuesday nights until a certain time.

The first time I arrived a nice guy on the street directed me to an open parking space (where I had to pull up onto the curb like all the other cars) and he tucked my passenger side view mirror in.  Then he asked for a dollar to watch my car.  Well….not wanting repercussions for NOT paying the dude a little dollar I have him once.  Since then I have parked elsewhere.

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The dance scene is a little hard to break in to, so I was glad to have Alvin ‘pimp’ me out a little.  He was happy to walk up to guys he didn’t know but he saw could dance and ask them to dance with me. And of course, I dance a lot with Alvin. The guys seem pleasantly surprised that this gringa can dance.  yippee!   Alvin told me about fights breaking out about asking people to dance that might’ve come with another gal.  uh…..

IMG_4168I may be oblivious, but it’s awesome to be in an environment where it’s all about the music and the dance.  Sure, there are a lot of people sitting and people watching.  If they were watching/judging me I choose to be ignorant.  I do stand around alone occasionally if Alvin isn’t there yet or goes to get a beer. I try not to stand there too awkwardly.  Lemme tell ya- I have a hard time understanding the rapid Spanish here, but add loud music and imbibing to the mix and I’m lost. But I’ve been having good experiences the three times I went, and I know if I keep going the regulars will come to know that I can dance well. Then maybe I don’t have to be sheepish and have Alvin chase down guys for me.  This’ll be a fun adventure to keep going and become  a regular.  I know it’ll never been the same feeling as going to a swing dance back in Madison, where I was a big fish in a small pond, but this new experience is one to be embraced and celebrated. I feel lucky.

But watch out for dancing right into a pothole.  The dangers of a streetdance…

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Alvin being silly

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Charleston, charleston, made in San German

I finally learned the name of the dance group we taught Lindy Hop to.  Tres Generaciones which means Three Generations.

This February we spent three nights teaching them Charleston, some lifts and an entire dance routine for their recital this weekend.

They did a great job, especially since people were absent some nights, some lifts just didn’t work, and Trevor and I changed the choreography halfway through.  And it took a lot of practice learning to clap on the even beats….hahaha.  or should I write….jajaja

This group usually does more traditional Puerto Rican dances but the theme for this year’s show is “Time Machine” so the needed something from the 1930s/40s. yay!

I wish we had another night with them to really polish it up, but oh well.

Trevor and I are going to see them perform tonight!unnamed

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Parallelogram: Top Ten Things That Matter, Six Months Later

\One experience explored from two points-of-view\

\\

Lisa\Montreal

My family moved from Madison, Wisconsin to Montreal, Quebec last August.  Here are my TOP TEN THINGS THAT MATTER, SIX MONTHS LATER:

  1. The farmer’s market is open all year-round and I know how to get there.  While I can’t get everything I need, it is bright and fragrant and shopping there mid-week is a pleasure.  Farrah Star charms the proprietors and everyone gives her lots of attention which makes the weekly outing extra cheerful.
  2. I have started to regularly host a (Meetup.com) playgroup at my house which is both motivating and satisfying.  It gives me the opportunity to cultivate new friendships (this is how I met both Allison and Laura in Madison) and I like having as many tiny humans enjoy this room as possible:_MG_7513
  3. I still can’t find an organic deli.  When I say I have eaten hummus and chips every day for lunch, I have eaten hummus and chips every day for lunch.  I like a good turkey sandwich.  I feed my child turkey sandwiches but he only gets the “natural” kind because that’s all I can find.  DON’T CALL THE AUTHORITIES.
  4. I still haven’t figured out how to go for a simple walk with my kids.  All winter long my boots, stroller, sled and toboggan have been stymied by the infuriatingly inconsistent sidewalk surfaces in the Plateau.

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    Want to guess what MY face looked like?

  5. I have found a carwash and my god it has changed my life this winter.

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    Steamy, clean-y goodness

  6. Winter is hell.  You know it.  I know it.  Having just spent two winters in Wisconsin I kept my expectations about Montreal’s winter very low and have not been disappointed.  “With a wind chill of -33º” is our new alarm clock.  Ha.  Alarm clock.
  7. School is everything I dreamt it could be, except that I don’t know too much of what actually happens there.  What I do know is that Arlo is excited and happy and appreciated at his new school all while learning French at a comfortable pace.  Switching schools was one of the most difficult tasks I undertook during this move but it was the right decision.
  8. We have a family doctor.  I cannot begin to explain the relief I have over this change of circumstances.
  9. Charles-E and his family have continued to bless us as neighborhood friends and support.  Another sister, Berenice, now teaches Arlo how to ice skate every Tuesday.  They were my first SOS call when three of the four of us recently caught a nasty stomach bug and nearly every Friday afternoon our home looks like this: _MG_7621
  10. There’s so much more!  Montreal is big and despite my (our) leaving the house every single day, winter precludes me (us) from exploring far and wide.  I dream about seeing more of this city and can’t wait to get on the bike and go.

 \\

 Laura\Mayaguez

My family moved from Madison, Wisconsin to Mayaguez, Puerto Rico last August.  Here are my TOP TEN THINGS THAT MATTER, SIX MONTHS LATER:

 1) I love my neighborhood and my neighbors.  Having once lived next to neighbors I was scared of and had to call the cops for, this was so important to me. Home is our sanctuary. I feel so blessed to be near nice people who we have become friends with.

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the friendly neighbors who took us to one of their favorite restaurants

2) I find that I love living in a bilingual culture.  This surprised me! But being around people who so easily speak two languages is so inspiring to me, and reminds me that the world is small.  Language connects people.

3) Every weekend feels like a mini vacation. I seriously think it’ll take at least 5 years for us to feel like we’ve exhausted all the island’s activities. But then my kids will be old enough to try more challenging activities. I love this easy way to have awesome family time!

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4) I can feel the ‘God/Universe providing’ with every adventure we have and every new person we meet.  Hear me out – you know how when you need something and someone comes into your life just at the right time to give it to you? I feel like everyone we meet here provides us with something we need (even if we didn’t know we needed it). Every chance meeting or conversation excites me as it could add more options for our weekend adventures or social life 🙂

5) I REALLY miss Whole Foods, and having easy access to organic meats and produce. This unsettles me still.  While there are farmer’s markets in nearby towns, they’re not convenient and don’t offer organic meat options. I have to do a lot of hunting around stores to get some organic options, and I think I’ll resort to buying org. meats online. Huzzah for the internet!

6) School is working out for my son. An issue wherever we lived, I’m greatly relieved that even though we plucked him out of Madison and 2 weeks later plopped him into a mostly Spanish speaking school in a new country (for his FIRST school experience), he’s thriving. whew! And, school has been a great way to make friends with other parents.

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at the Escuela Montessori de Mayaguez

7) I don’t miss the seasons as much as I thought I would. My neighbor just mentioned that he was in Madison last week and for a moment I was homesick.  But then he said it was -22 there. yeah.  I’ll take year round summer.

8) The roads! I’ve gotten used to driving around here. Which is good because there is zero public transportation and you just don’t walk or bike around here. Potholes, ignored stop signs and bad traffic I still don’t care for but eh, it comes with the experience.

9) Smoking.  Or the lack of. There’s no smoking in public spaces, and for so many people crammed on one little island, I’m surprised by how few people smoke.  There are definitely more smokers in Madison, WI than in Mayaguez, PR. Which is fine with me!

10) Las playas. ‘Nuf said.

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This aviatrix was thrilled!

There’s a hidden gem in Aguadilla if you’re an aviation enthusiast. The Ramey Air Force Base Museum, right next to the airport.IMG_4510

Aguadilla to Baltimore was a training run for Tokyo

Aguadilla to Baltimore was a training run for Tokyo

A one room free museum open on Saturday mornings. Friendly volunteers will give you the history of the base and let your kids play with the toy airplanes and pose with the old uniforms. Or scare your two year old. (It wasn’t his fault, she was hungry)

Ricardo putting a hat on P for a photo op

Ricardo putting a hat on P for a photo op

We learned a lot and bought some tshirts, but the best part was the aviation connection. We’ve been itching to connect with the small flying circles here. Ricardo was so friendly, and even lived in Pewaukee for a bit. Go figure! We won him over when we mentioned the Oshkosh airshow. Ah, Airventure. Everybody loves you.

I need to go to a joint that gives out matchbooks like this!

I need to go to a joint that gives out matchbooks like this!

Anyway, I gave my contact info to Ricardo so hopefully he’ll contact us when something fun happens.

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The concept of Hurricane Hunters started here

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D’s time to pose

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those earrings are not regulation, soldier.

We hadn’t even planned on going there! We made a spontaneous decision as we passed by. Thanks universe.

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I’m not a hippy. I just eat organic!

Farmers Market is a code name for “Gringo Magnet”. But I don’t care. We explored the Aguadilla farmers market and loved it. IMG_4509Located in the parking lot of a Thai restaurant (note to self: try it sometime!), you should get there early if you’re looking for something specific. Tomatoes, lettuces, fruit, jams, green beans, baby plants, ginger, smoothies, eggs, and hot food – all organic. With some gluten free options too!IMG_4494

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Two different groups of people were giving away free puppies that they rescued and took to the vets to get shots.

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You know when the smoothy stand has Wheat Grass, they mean business

Friendly vendors, free puppies from people who rescued them from a life of straying, and salsa music made for a great atmosphere. And the least smelly porto potties I’ve ever been in.

The Super Bowl-I'll get one next time!

Hey lady, can I take a pic of your food? yeah gracias

Trevor pointed out this lady's tattoo. tee-hee. Trevor.

Trevor pointed out this lady’s tattoo. tee-hee. Trevor.

We’ll be back!

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Guess how long the DMV took?

I was hoping it would take less than 4 hours to get my Puerto Rican license. After reading a few forums online I felt ready for the crazy hoops I’d have to jump through.

first line

first line

Wait in the info line. The lady was fully bilingual even with a sucker in her mouth. Got the application. “You need a doctor’s signature that you are fit to drive”. Wha?? Then she said, “There’s one outside. Turn left at the fence. You’ll see the cage”. Uh….

"You've gotta be kidding me" 'doctor' shack. What a sham.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me” ‘doctor’ shack. What a sham.

Wait in line at ‘doctor’ (aka dude behind the cage/shack sitting at a TV tray. Um, maybe he’ll just check my eyes by holding up a piece of paper? No. He just asked me if I had epilepsy, how tall I was, my weight and colors of my eyes. In other words, he just filled out the form I could’ve easily filled out myself. $20. Pay the lady inside the shack. Hrm.

If my spanish (and google’s spanish) serves, they had the options of black, white, or yellow for my skin color.

do you have yellow eyes to match your yellow skin?

do you have yellow eyes to match your yellow skin?

Wait in line back inside at info desk where lady has now finished her sucker. She approves my proof that I live here, my SS card and my passport. Gives me a number (02)

Wait in line to buy sellos “stickers” to affix to my application. Puerto Rican guy from Orlando chats me up in line.

IMG_4465Sit and wait. They are on number 95. Lady P thankfully reads books while I actually get to read an adult book! She leans on the leg of the beefy guys next to her, which he and I think is funny but she seems little mortified. We snack copiously.

I notice a sign that reads “No sleeveless tops, shorts or flipflops.” oops. I’m disobeying two of those. As are multiple other people. What a strange sign. What is this a cathedral?

IMG_4467My number called! Sit and get photo taken by guy who is not enthused to be working there. Tells me to go to another office area to get my passport photocopied, because apparently he doesn’t have a flat photocopier. Wait in another, albeit quick, line. Return to indifferent dude.

IMG_4468Wait for them to print the license. I resort to having P play games on my phone.

IMG_4470I’m called! They don’t even attempt to call my last name, instead bellowing “Laura Ann!” We’re free!

How long did it take? 2hrs 45 min! wahoo!  I felt like celebrating with a 4000 calorie frozen coffee drink, but opted just to go home.

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The gay scene on the west coast

Last December we got to host our friends Jon and Juan for a couple nights. It was SO fun! And what made it extra special was the fact that they were getting married on Dec 30th and we would be able to attend the wedding when we were back in Wisconsin for Christmas.  huzzah!

I wanted to be nice (and have an excuse to take photos) so I offered to take a few engagement photos of them on the beach. We picked Combate Beach near Boqueron.

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It started me thinking, how are gays treated here in Puerto Rico? I get the sense that there is a strong religious background here, which traditionally doesn’t always bode well for homosexuals. Would there be a reaction to us taking photos on the beach? I never thought of these things before. I didn’t need to.  I decided to inquire.

The only gay Puerto Rican that I know (that I’m aware of) is our massage therapist in Cabo Rojo. She said she’s been with her partner for like, 20 years. And she’s really nice. She’d know the scoop.

I scheduled a massage in January, and started thinking about how to bring the topic up.  You know, massages are supposed to be tranquil and relaxing.  Usually I zone out and fall asleep. How do I just be like, “Hey, what’s it like to be gay here, huh?” I wondered if there’s a fine line between being annoying, nosey, and just plain dumb and asking genuine questions out of honest curiosity about my new home.  It was her private life after all, and we were committed to being in a room alone together for an hour.

I decided to use Jon and Juan’s wedding as a starting point. Mentioning that it was really cool since they recently recognized gay marriage in Wisconsin and Madison is pretty liberal in that sense. And I wanted to take photos on the beach, so what’s it like here???

She was totally cool and open about talking. In fact, I didn’t even need to follow my little script in my head that I had prepared – haha.  So here’s the scoop:

Puerto Rico is like everywhere else.  There are haters, there are supporters.  But incidentally there is a gay community in the area where we took the beach photos so it wasn’t really a big deal. She said people are used to it.

IMG_3784And this is exciting times for the Puerto Rican gay community because right now the bill to legalize gay marriage is in the Supreme Courts of Massachusetts.  I guess when a case in Puerto Rico needs to go to higher court it goes to Boston.  I might need another hour of massage and questioning to understand all this law stuff. (I don’t remember much from my American Public Policy class in high school except that my teacher sang Jingle Bells all year long).

Anyway, since Boston approved gay marriage and tends to be liberal (I’ve heard, I’ve never been), the Puerto Rican gay community is very hopeful.  And I saw in the newspaper a few days later that we should have an answer by June-ish. Fingers crossed!

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I hate mimes. They should DIE

No, not mimes the performers. Them I can tolerate.

Mimes en espanol, are fruit flies. They are all over. ALL year round.

I’m ashamed to show you a photo of my fridge:

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corpses

 

I make a coffee, turn away for one minute only to find at least two fruit fly corpses floating around my cuppa. EVERY DAY! ew. [for the record, I just scoop them out]

My kids are slow-poke eaters. I have to discreetly screen their food just so I can wave away any rouge mimes who might get eaten.

I’m sure we’ve eaten a bunch. And will eat more. sigh.

soap, water and cider vinegar

soap, water and cider vinegar trap

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