I’ve made a few awesome friends here, of which I am so happy. But I’m not sure any of them have seen the true me. The me that I’ve worked so hard to release from my cocoon of shyness that consumed me as a kid.
I’m so eager to practice Spanish and I have a fear that I’ll live here a long time and never become fluent. What a waste that would be.
So whenever I find myself in an English conversation, inside my head I’m continuously saying to myself, “I should be speaking Spanish. This is becoming a wasted opportunity. How would I say that in Spanish? I have no idea. I need to learn a lot more. I should be practicing right now. I’m cheating. Wasted opportunity!! I’m never going to be fluent unless I practice!” Meanwhile I’m trying to listen and talk and not doing either very well.
When I am speaking Spanish, I’m thinking so hard about my elementary words I probably make the weirdest faces. I certainly don’t crack any jokes. And I’m a funny girl! (But looks aren’t everything as Trevor says)
So my personality never shines through fully. (It has during the book club I’m a part of. I need to blog about that group).
I guess I don’t look or sound too moronic though because I keep getting invited to social events. ????
I started asking my friends where they learned their second language so well. (Some of my friends speak fluent Spanish as their second language, of which I am jealous) They are either married to a native speaker, learned as a kid, or spent significant time in a country where the language is spoken. Well, I’ve got that last one down, so I’m on my way. I take solace in the fact that my kids will learn Spanish somewhat easily and hopefully it’s a gift for life.
I know my Spanish will come. It’s come a long way since last August. Now, I just have to practice over summer when we’re in Wisconsin so I don’t lose it…